The NotsoHappy Reunion
by lilballerette10
Summary: What if Sam never went with Dean when he came to get him at Stanford...?
1. Chapter 1

**This was the first fic I ever wrote. I've done several others since then but this where it started ******** Hope you guys enjoy it!**

Sam realized that the person he was fighting, the person who he now had pinned to the floor, was none other than his big brother, Dean Winchester.

"Dean?...What the hell you doing' here man?"

"Nice to see you too Sammy…miss me?" Dean asked with his cocky little grin. " I mean you must miss me a whole lot to be sittin' on top of me."

"Shut up Dean…you didn't answer my question…what are you doing here?"

"Jeez can't a guy drop in on his kid brother once in awhile to see how he's doing?"

"Dean!" Sam warned as they both lifted themselves off the floor.

"Alright, alright, I…"

Before Dean could finish, a long legged blonde in her smurf PJ's was a few feet in front of him.

"Well hello there…you must be in the wrong dorm room …cuz there's no way my kid brother could snag a babe like you."

Same just rolled his eyes and introduced Dean to Jess.

"Dean this is my girlfriend Jess…Jess this is Dean."

"Dean… as in brother Dean?" questioned Jess.

"So, you've heard about me," Dean replied with a smartass grin. "All good things I hope…if not…don't listen to Sammy over here, he's always been jealous of my good looks."

Jess couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, Sam got one part right at least…you sure are cocky."

Dean simply let out a laugh. "Oh, this isn't cockiness sweetheart…it's confidence…pure, unadulterated confidence."

_"Wow," Sam thought to himself…Dean hadn't changed a bit…_which brought an odd sense of comfort to Sam

To be completely honest, Sam was damn glad to see Dean again; it had been too long. With that said, he also knew that Dean was probably here for a reason and not just "stopping by."

"Jess will you excuse us, Dean and I need to talk."

"Sure thing," replied Jess politely

Dean and Sam walked outside to the back.

"Sammy, you sly dog…is this what you've been doing away at college…romancing the girls?" Dean chuckled. "Guess you take after big brother more than you like to admit."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Dean, once again man, why you here?"

"I need your help."

"With what?"

"Dad's been gone for over 2 weeks, and I have no idea where he is."

"Dean, he's always gone, man, and half the time he takes off to god knows where, but you know he always comes back."

" I dunno , this time feels different, I think he found a trail leading to the demon."

" THE demon?" Asked Sam, stunned.

" Yea, Sammy."

"How do you know?"

"Cuz dad wouldn't talk to me about what he was hunting or where he was going…and he always tells me at least one of those details."

"So dad didn't actually come out and tell you that he found a trail to THE demon?"

"Of course not Sammy!You think he'd ever do something like that?"

"No, I guess not."

"I just have a feeling man, something big's going down."

"Dean…"

"Sam I need your help..."

"No you don't Dean…you've been doing fine without me."

"_That's what you think_…"Dean whispered to himself.

If Sam only knew how much his brother missed him, missed him to the point that sometimes it was just hard to breathe, so hard to go through another day without his kid brother. If Sam knew all the times Dean ended up badly hurt on hunts, badly hurt because he had no back up, no one to protect him the way he'd always protected his little brother…If Sam only knew…

"What was that?" Questioned Sam.

"Nothing," Dean snapped back. "Look Sammy, I do need your help, but most of all I WANT your help."

"Dean…I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm done with that life, Dean…I told you and dad that. Hunting's not for me…it never was." Sam paused for a moment. "This is where I belong Dean…at Standford, with Jess"

"That's great, Sam , you meet a girl and you forget all about your damn family…is that it?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Whatever, dude. Look I'm not asking you to leave this behind. I just need your help, even if it's for the weekend, even just to point me in the right direction towards where dad could be. I promise I'll drive you back first thing Monday morning."

When Dean had thought about asking Sam for help on previous hunts it was often the case that Dean didn't NEED Sam's help but just WANTED to be around his kid brother, so he'd always talked himself out of it. But this time was different. This time felt different. He would need back up. He just knew it.

"Look, Sammy I really think I'm gonna need back up on this one. I just have a feeling."

"Dean…no! This little hunt can go on forever. A weekend of my help won't do you any good."

"And how the hell would you know?"

"Dean don't drag me back into that life. I've made a good life here; a life without hunting, without fear and sadness, a life without loneliness."Sam froze just as he finished that sentence, kicking himself for saying that last part

Loneliness, that word just seemed to hang in the air.

"Sammy, how could you have been lonely? You had me and Dad."

"Dean that's not what I meant.I just mean, I feel like I belong here." Who was Sam kidding? He didn't belong there anymore than Dean belonged in a Toyota Corolla! But still, Sam was trying so hard to convince himself that he did belong at Stanford, maybe even trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince his brother.

"Well then, I'm happy for you, Sammy. Really I am. I'm just asking for a little help here, man…and geez, you get to spend some time with big brother. Wouldn't that just be awesome?" Dean said with a huge smile across his face.

But Dean's smile was quickly wiped away.

"Dean…no."

"Sammy…Please man. I haven't bothered you in two years. I'm just asking a simple thing. It'll be good for us. I miss hanging with you, kiddo. I miss having my geeky kid brother around. Do you know what it's like doing this job solo half the time?Having you around made it bearable, man. With you gone, it's just…it's not the same."

Dean rarely ever begged or got sappy like this,but his brother had a way of making Dean do things, things other people wouldn't have a chance in hell getting Dean to do, and this was a prime example.

Sam sadly smiled. "Dean I miss hanging with you too, but it's not a simple thing like you say it is. I'm sorry man. I'm done with that life. I can't help you. I'm sorry…"

"You're a selfish bastard you know that! I ask for your help one freakin' time and you slam the door in my face!"

"I'm not being selfish Dean! I know Dad. He's gonna drag me back into that life."

"You left once, I'm sure you'll have no problem doing it a second time."

Dean almost felt guilty the minute those words left his mouth, and he saw the hurt laced across his younger brother's face.

"God, Dean! You make it sound so bad! I was just going away to school..following my dreams!"

"Following your dreams, huh?"

"At least I know how to." Sam was now starring right into Dean.

Dean's head snapped up at the comment. "Come again?"

"Dean you always used to talk about wanting to be this and wanting to be that, like a fireman! You said you wanted to be a fireman before I went to school but you never even tried to do it. You never tried to follow your dreams, all cuz you wanted to be a good little boy in Dad's eyes! Just because you didn't have the guts to follow your dreams doesn't give you permission to ruin mine!" Sam barked with anger and hostility.

Those words stung Dean like a thousand bees all stinging him at once. If only Sam knew why he hadn't followed his dreams, of the sacrifice he had made so Sam could have his dream. How could Sam even think that Dean would want to ruin his dreams?

As Dean stared into the eyes of his baby brother with the hurt that was now clearly laced across his face,Sam began to feel guilty, but he held his ground, staring back at his brother with no apology in his eyes. There was utter silence for what seemed like an eternity as both men stood, now staring at the ground.

"Sorry, I bothered you. Take care of yourself, Sammy."

As Dean turned and headed back to the car, the guilt began to eat at Sammy. Why hadn't Dean yelled back after Sam's last comment. Why hadn't Dean even made a sarcastic comment or given Sam a dirty look? Why did Dean's face all of a sudden look defeated and…sad. _Oh God, Sam, what the hell did you just do, you moron?_

And just as quickly as Dean had arrived, he jumped in his car and left.

Sam watched as the Impala drove into the night, his heart breaking knowing that he may have just permanently damaged his already fragile relationship with his big brother.

A week went by and Sam hadn't heard from Dean. Not that he was expecting to. He and his brother didn't exactly end off on good terms, but still, in the back of his mind, he wished and hoped that his brother would call. Sam had picked up the phone several times, even gone down his contact list until he reached Dean, his finger lingering on the "Call" button. But each time, he had stopped himself.

What would he say to Dean if he called? Sam still didn't want to go hunting again, and he still wanted to stay at Stanford, but would a weekend have really hurt him? All his brother asked for was a weekend, a weekend for the two to hang out, a weekend where Sam would watch Dean's back like old times. After everything Dean had done for Sam his entire life, all the sacrifices he had made, Sam couldn't even give him a lousy weekend? What the hell was wrong with him?!!

And the things he'd said, Oh G_od the things he'd said._ Why had he been so mean? Although he didn't know why that last comment he made to Dean had hurt him so much, he knew that it had, because Dean was never one to shy away from an argument or fight, he always had to have the last yell, but this time had been different, he just backed off, and that was not like Dean.

_You messed up Sam, you messed up big time._

All these questions and thoughts had been bombarding Sam's mind everyday since Dean had driven away. Dean was sure that this thing, whatever it was, was big, and he had asked Sam for help.

DEAN HAD ASKED SAM FOR HELP.

Sam just realized what he had done. He'd turned down Dean's plea for help. Dean, who never ever asks anyone for help, had come to Sam, and Sam had just shut the door in his face. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me, big brother, now please don't let the door smack you on the way out!

How could he have been such a jerk, such an asshole to the one person who had always had his back and watched out for him? To the one person who had sacrificed so much for him, the one and only big brother he had?

Sam was driving himself crazy. He knew what he had to do. He had to call Dean, apologize for being such an ass, apologize for not giving Dean a weekend of his time, apologize for all the hurtful things he had said.

Sam picked up the phone. One ring. Two rings. Thr…

"Sammy…" came the voice at the other end, but it wasn't his big brother's voice. No, it was much coarser and deeper.

"Dad?"

"S-s-sam-my," John's voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he had been crying. Sam realized that he hadn't heard his dad this shaken up since he was 12 and he, his dad, and Dean had gone on a hunt where Dean had almost gotten…

Sam felt like his heart had just sunk into his stomach…

"DAD WHERE'S DEAN?"

"Sammy…I…I was just about to call you."

"Dad! Wh-where's Dean"?

"Sammy, I think you should come to Kansas, as soon as you can, son."

"D-d-dad..." Sam's voice was shaking uncontrollably now.

" Is…Dean…is he…okay?"

" Get here as soon as you can Sam. Please Sammy, please."

**TBC- I'll post chapter two tomorrow ******


	2. Chapter 2

Please? Did he just hear his dad correctly? John Winchester had just _asked_ Sam somethin instead of demanding it?

Sam felt as if within those brief moments of a phone call his world was about to crumble to pieces. What the hell had happened to Dean and how bad must it be if his dad is begging him, using please instead of COME NOW!

Never in his life had Sam heard his dad "ask" him something instead of demanding it, and now his dad was asking him, no, pleading with him.

Sam quickly picked up the phone and called to book the first flight to Kansas. Lucky for him they had a flight leaving that night.

Jessica walked into the room as she heard Sam on the phone. After getting off the phone Sam told Jessica that he had to go away for a couple of days to deal with a family matter.

"Sam, you don't look too good, is everything okay?"

"I-I don't know Jess, all I know is that I have to go."

"Do you want some company?"

"No sweetie, I need to do this alone, I'll call you I promise."

"Hope everything is okay."

"Yeah…me too. I love you Jess."

"Love you too Sam."

Sam quickly grabbed his bags and hopped on a taxi and headed for the airport. Granted the plane wasn't leaving for another 5 hours, but he had to get away from the apartment. He didn't want to worry Jess anymore than she was, and right now his mind was running everywhere. The fear and guilt were so intense, all Sam could think about was the way John had sounded on the phone.

**A couple hours later in Kansas **

While on the plane Sam had realized that he hadn't even asked his dad where he and Dean were, but from the tone in his dad's voice he figured that a hospital would be a good start. Sam knew that he could've called to make sure they were at the hospital, but he was too scared, too scared to hear his dad's shaky voice again.

Sam got on another taxi and headed to the hospital closest to their house. Sam was so distracted that he even forgot to pay the taxi drive, it wasn't until he heard the driver yell a loud, "MY MONEY KID", that Sam snapped back and apologized immediately.

Sam ran as quickly as he could to the front counter.

"Hi, can I help you?" asked the nurse behind the counter

"I-I'm looking for my brother, I think he was admitted hear."

"What's his name?"

"Uhh…" Sam wasn't sure what name to give since he knew his dad must be paying for the medical bill with a fake credit card, he figured their last name would be different.

Just then Sam saw his father speaking outside to a doctor, and without even so much as a "never mind I found my dad" to the nurse at the front desk, Sam ran to where his father was.

Sam heard his father thank the doctor and then fall back on a chair with his head between his hands.

"D-dad"

John's head shot up so fast that Sam thought his dad would get a whip lash.

"Sammy, you came."

"Of course I came dad, where's Dean?"

John pointed to the room right behind him, but before Sam went in John placed a soft hand on Sam's chest as if the slow him down.

"Sammy"

"What dad?"

"Just uh…" John couldn't help but look at the ground. "Just be prepared for what you're gon'a see, Dean…he's uh…he's pretty banged up son, and he's got a lot of machines attached to him."

Sam eyes widened at what he was hearing, but he simply just nodded and entered the room.

Sam froze the minute he entered the room, he felt as if he couldn't breathe as a sudden wave of nausea hit him.

There in front of him lay his older brother, hooked on numerous machines and more wires than he could count at the moment. As Sam moved closer he got a better look at the damage done to Dean. Dean's face was blue and purple and a little swollen, and his chest was covered in bandages.

Sam felt the tears welling up in his eyes just as his father walked in.

"Dad…what happened?"

"Your brother saved my life, that's what happened," John paused and looked at the ground. At that moment Sam could've sworn he saw guilt on his dad's face.

"I thought I found the trail to the demon that took your mother, so I went after it. I didn't tell Dean where I was going cuz I didn't want him to follow me, I didn't want him to get hurt," John was now starring at his eldest. "So much for that huh."

"Dad…," Sam wanted to tell his father that it wasn't his fault, but he just couldn't. A part of him did blame his dad whenever Dean got hurt on hunts because they would've never hunted in the first place if their dad hadn't introduced them to that life. But in this particular instance he blamed himself more than he blamed his father.

Right then Sam realized something; Dean was right all along, his dad was going after the demon, and Sam had sent Dean to rescue their father on his own. Sam also realized that Dean hadn't told his father how he had come to get Sam at Stanford and how Sam had shut the door in his face. Dean hadn't told his father how Sam had refused to have his back after he had had Sam's back his entire life. How was he going to tell his father, how was he going to tell him that it was his fault that Dean was in the hospital. Just as he was about to confess, his father continued with the story.

"When I got to the warehouse where I thought the demon was, I got a little tied up, literally. It turned out that the demon in the warehouse wasn't the one who killed your mother, but instead was that demon's child. Anyways the demon got the upper hand on me and before I knew it I had blacked out and woke up tied to the wall. The demon just kept wailing away at me when your brother burst through the door guns blazing."

Sam couldn't help but let out a little laugh, "guns blazing"; those two words were the perfect description of the hunter in his brother. John smiled as he shared in Sam's silent analogy, but the smile quickly faded off his face as he began to describe what happened next.

"Dean got away a couple shots at the demon, but all it did was push the demon off of me and straight to him." John swallowed hard before continuing, Sam could clearly see how painful it was for John to relive what happened.

"It uh…it threw Dean against the wall…a couple of times and just began to wail away at him. Dean fought it off a couple times but it was too powerful and with each blow Dean just got weaker and weaker."

Sam didn't realize how fast his heart was beating now. Just the thought of his brother being weak, was so foreign to him, his brother was always the strong one, the hero. As hard as it was for John to describe what happened to Dean, it was ten times harder for Sam to hear it. Sam almost didn't want his dad to continue, but the silent admission was just that, silent.

"I tried to get free to help him…but I couldn't…and then," John paused as he looked at the ground with a defeated expression laced across his face.

"And then what dad?" Sam asked horrified as he saw John's pale expression, he knew this was going to be bad.

"The demon…it…it did something. It closed its eyes and opened it just starring Dean down…and that's when I heard…when I heard your brother screaming. There was blood coming out of his chest and his mouth…it was like the demon was ripping him apart from the inside out."

Sam's face instantly turned white as a ghost and he looked at his brother with tears welling in his eyes. How could he have let this happen? He could've stopped this or at least given Dean a fighting chance.

"How...how did you…how did you escape?" Sam asked barely able to get the words out.

"We didn't." John dropped his head down. "The demon, when it was done with your brother, it just left, it said it be back later with its father and that…and that killing us like that was too easy…not enough of a challenge."

"Oh," Sam replied. That was all Sam could even think of saying.

John sat there with his fist against his lips. "That son of a bitch…HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO DEAN," John's anger was clearly evident now but soon turned to a look of pain and defeat. "How could I let him do this to Dean…"

"Dad, you couldn't stop him, not by yourself." _Not by yourself, but if I was there maybe we could've stopped him._ Sam's guilt was so close to consuming him, he could just feel it, this was his fault, that he knew for sure.

"Dad…can I talk to Dean…alone?"

"Sure Sammy, I'll go grab us some food"

"Thanks dad"

"No problem kiddo"

As John was walking out of the room he turned back to see his two boys together again.

"Sammy, thanks for coming, I know it means a lot to your brother, even if he's not conscious, I know he knows that you're here. You two have always had that amazing connection, even when you were kids." Sam nodded as John smiled and left the room.

Sam sat there watching his brother, and without even realizing it he curled his fingers around Dean's hand.

"Oh god Dean…I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry Dean…please just wake up so you can tell me what an ass I am…please just wake up…"

Sam was starring at Dean, waiting for a sign, anything that would let him know that Dean was going to be okay, a wiggle of a finger, a twitch of the eye…anything. But nothing came and Sam felt his heart break as it had done many times since he heard his dad's voice over the phone.

"Dean, you have to fight, please…for me Dean…please. I can't lose you, I know all the horrible things I said to you, but I didn't mean them Dean, I was just angry and confused…I swear I didn't mean them. Dean…you mean more to me than anything in this world…I love you big brother…please just come back…I'll do anything you want if you just wake up."

Sam could no longer hold the tears back as they flowed down his cheeks like rivers. He realized then how Dean truly was the most important person in his life. He loved his dad, but Dean was the one who practically raised him. Dean wasn't just his older brother; he was his hero, his role model, his best friend. As for the other main person in Sam's life, Jessica, he loved Jessica, he was sure of that, but she would never take his brother's place. As much as he hated to admit it, the pain of breaking up with Jessica and never seeing her again would be magnified ten fold if he were to lose Dean.

As the tears flowed freely from Sam's eyes, he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder. He didn't have to turn back to realize who the sturdy hand belonged to.

"Dad…Dean's gon'a be okay right?" Sam needed reassurance, anything to keep him from thinking the worst.

"I…I dun'no Sammy"

"No, he's gon'a be okay, he's the strongest person I know…he'll fight this…he just has to!" Sam replied as his voice was filled with a mix of determination, fear, hope, and worry.

"He will Sammy, he'll fight with everything he has."

Sam nodded agreeing.

John and Sam sat there, both watching Dean as if he was about to disappear. Then Sam noticed his dad watching him, and he looked up to meet his dad's gaze.

"Sammy, the way we ended things before you left, I'm a…" John was stumbling for that 5 letter word he rarely ever used, and lucky for him Sam interrupted.

"I'm sorry too dad, I never meant for it to get so out of hand."

"Sam, I was proud of you…we were both proud of you," he said as he looked at Dean. "I was jus' scared Sammy; you were going off to college alone without any backup. Even when I wasn't home I knew Dean was there to protect you so I knew nothing bad would happen to you. But when you left for school…I was jus' scared Sam…always proud of you, jus' scared."

Sam was left speechless, he always figured his father hadn't been proud and the only reason he didn't want Sam to go to Stanford was because he wanted Sam to hunt.

"I-I dun'no what to say…you were proud of me?"

"Of course I was Sammy, always have been, always will be!"

_Always will be…_ "You wouldn't be if you knew what happened when Dean came to get me at Stanford," Sam thought to himself.

"I was glad you followed your dream Sammy, that's all I ever wanted for you and Dean, I just didn't think you guys would be safe until we defeated this Demon," John said, hoping for a little bit of understand from his youngest.

"But you seem to be doing okay at Stanford," John continued. "I only wish now that I had made Dean follow his dream instead of letting him sacrifice it so that you could follow yours. You both should have been able to follow your dreams; he shouldn't have had to give his up to keep our family together."

Sam was shocked by his dad's confession.

"What? Dad…what are you talking about? What dream did Dean sacrifice for me?"

John swallowed hard after hearing his son's question, realizing what he had just done. How could he let that slip, he had promised Dean that he would never let Sam know of the sacrifice he had made for him. Dean knew that it would guilt Sam into maybe even giving up his dream, and that's not what he wanted.

"DAD! What did Dean Do?"

**TBC- Next chapter will be up tomorrow******


	3. Chapter 3

John was trying to stare at the ground, at Dean's bed, at anything other than his youngest son's determined eyes.

"Sammy you should eat your food, it's getting cold son"

"Don't try changing the topic dad…what did Dean do?"

"Sammy…"

"DAD…What.Did.He.Do!" Sam wasn't about to back down now, his brother had sacrificed something for him, well he had sacrificed a lot for Sam, but this was different, this was bigger, Sam could feel it, and John dodging the question just made Sam's curiosity _and his fear of what his brother did _ that much more intense.

John took in a deep breath knowing that there was no way he could avoid this one. He looked over at Dean as if he was apologizing telepathically, and then starred into Sam's eyes.

"Dad…please"

"Alright Sammy," John looked down knowing that he was going to regret telling Sam when Dean woke up. "Remember how Dean always talked 'bout being a firefighter…well he got accepted to one of the most prestigious fireman schools in the country"

Sam was stunned, when had all this happened, it couldn't have been while Sam was away at college cuz' Dean was completely devoted to hunting.

"How do you know?"

"I uh…I found the acceptance letter in the room that the two of you were sleeping in. It congratulated him on passing all the preliminary exams, the agility, physical…all those. All he had to do was go to some classes and well…he could've been a firefighter."

Sam was stunned…so stunned that it left him speechless. When had all this happened, when had his brother done all those exams, why didn't Dean ever tell him? Before Sam could play 21 questions, John continued with the story.

"Dean walked into the room as I was reading the letter, and I swear your brother looked more freaked than when he's battling anything supernatural," John let out with a little chuckle. "I asked him why he had this letter, and he just said it was just something to keep him busy. I knew better though, I knew it was something he wanted, but I let my selfishness and fear get in the way."

Sam sat there starring at his father, his complete attention on the man in front of him.

"I told your brother he couldn't do the fireman thing, and for the first time in his life he questioned me. He asked me why he couldn't and that he promised it would only be certain days and at night. At first I was resistant but later I thought it might be good for him, and he was gon'na be close to home anyways."

"Dad…when was this"

"A couple days before you left"

Sam swallowed hard as he somewhat could predict the rest of this story.

"I found your letter a couple days after…letters just seemed to be popping outta thin air," John laughed quietly to himself, but his smile soon turned to a frown. "And…well…you know what happened after that."

John didn't see a point in reliving the fight between him and Sam, the fight that drove Sam away…the fight that smashed Dean's dreams.

"Anyways Sammy, when you left…I was a mess…I couldn't help it…I was so angry at you for leaving, but only because I was worried, I think I was just more angry at myself for driving you away. I was being clumsy and stupid during hunts; getting myself injured…I was like a freaking bomb ready to go off." John looked at the ground, then to Dean.

"Your brother knew how torn apart I was, he knew that he had to be around at all times, during all hunts because I…I just wasn't thinking straight anymore. The easy thing would have been for your brother to call you and tell you what was going on, tell you to come back home to help hold up the home front, but that didn't even cross his mind for a second"

John was now starring at his eldest with tears of pride and regret in his eyes.

"Dean was so proud of you Sammy, he knew how much you wanted to go to Stanford and he knew how hard it was to get into such a prestigious school. He was hurt when you left, no doubt about that, but that was cuz he was so used to you two being together, he was always proud though. No matter how hurt he was, he was so happy for you cuz you finally got what you wished for…a normal life…and he wasn't about to take that from you, so he did what he does best…he put you and me first, and gave up his dream. He turned down the acceptance to the school and he just gave up on firefighting all together. He was always at home…taking care of me"

John immediately saw the guilt laced across his young son's face. He'd be damned if he let another one of his son's down.

"Sammy don't you even think it! None of this is your fault son…it's mine. I'm the dad, I shouldn't have needed Dean to take care of me, and I shouldn't have needed Dean to give up his dream to keep me in one piece and to keep our family together." John looked at Sam, hoping to see the guilt erased from Sam's face, but all he saw was more guilt. You could always count on Sammy to do something he believed in but then immediately have a guilty conscience. John continued to speak as he tried to get Sam to shift the blame onto him.

"You know what the worst part is…I didn't even stop him. I didn't stop him from giving up his dream; I jus' selfishly accepted his decision. I had overheard Dean and Caleb talking about how Dean had given up on firefighting, but instead of telling him I heard everything and talking to him about it, I just never brought it up and let him just…give it up. Caleb wasn't too happy about that…and he made sure that I knew. I jus remember thinking at that time that I just…I jus couldn't lose my other son too."

Sam was staring at his brother now.

"Caleb knew about Dean and the whole firefighting thing?"

"Yeah, he knew. Caleb always wanted you boys to find other interests other than hunting, and well from the minute Dean mentioned he wanted to be a firefighter Caleb was on his ass about going through with it."

There was silence in the room for a few seconds as Sam tried to process everything he had heard up until now.

"What did you hear?" Sam asked breaking the silence.

"What?"

"When Dean and Caleb were talking…what did they say?"

"Does it really matter Sammy?" John meant this more as a rhetorical question.

"It matters to me dad"

John saw the desperation in his son's eyes, desperate to understand what had happened, desperate to know he hadn't messed up his brother's life. John took in a deep breath as he began to mimic the conversation between Caleb and Dean, hoping that it might help Sam understand that it was all John's fault and not his own.

**SNSNSNSN**

"So how is that firefighting gig going?" Caleb asked attentively.

"Uh…it isn't"

"It isn't what?" Caleb asked curiously.

"I uh…I stopped with that"

"You did what! Why the hell would you do that boy!" Caleb replied as more of an angry remark than a question.

"I just don't have time," Dean remarked quietly hoping Caleb didn't hear.

"Don't have time! My ass you don't have time…it's that damned father of yours isn't it!"

"Caleb don't…dad needs me around right now…I can't just go off and become a part time firefighter"

Caleb took a second to watch Dean's expression and sink in what he was hearing.

"You got accepted didn't you" Caleb asked sounding slightly annoyed.

"It doesn't matter if I did or didn't, I can't go"

"Like hell you can't, your fathers a grown man Dean…you shouldn't have to take care of him, he should be taking care of you"

"Caleb, stop it!" It was Dean's turn to sound annoyed. "You know what it's been like for me and dad since…since Sammy left. Dad's a mess Caleb; he can't even go on a damn hunt without getting himself in trouble."

Caleb was getting ready to argue but he knew that there was truth to what Dean was saying.

"Dean, why don't you asked Sammy to come back for a bit, I mean if he's back I'm sure your dad will get back on his game"

"HELL NO! Are you kidding me Caleb!" When Dean realized that he was yelling at Caleb he immediately lowered his voice. "Caleb, this has been Sammy's dream since…well since he was 5 and that little brain of his grew to an enormous size." Dean couldn't help but chuckle at his own comment; he used to always tease Sam about the size of his brain, using it as an explanation for Sam's big head. Dean never really thought Sam's head was big but it bugged the hell out of Sam when Dean teased him about his head, so Dean did it anyway.

"All Sam's ever wanted was a normal life…and well let's face it…he's not gon'na get that living here. He deserves more than this life, he deserves to be happy…to have his dreams come true..."

"And what about your dreams Dean, what about what you want!" Caleb interrupted.

Dean couldn't help but laugh at that…his dreams…what he wants…when did that ever matter, it was never about him and he had accepted that fate from the day little Sammy was placed in his arms.

"What I want is for Sammy to be happy, for him to live his life to the fullest…I want Dad to be safe, and I want to help him kill that son of a bitch that took our mom so that he can finally heal..." Dean took in a deep breath… "I just want my family together and in one piece." Dean replied with a sad smile.

"Dean…" Caleb couldn't even find the words…Dean had such a big heart...the biggest heart he had ever seen in a young man.

"Caleb it's okay" Dean replied sensing the worry in the older man's voice. "Sure I wanted to do the whole firefighting thing, but I mean it's not the end of the world if I don't get to do it. Sammy…dad…they mean way more to me than being a fireman, hell they mean more to me than anything in this world. Giving up firefighting…it's a small price to pay if Sammy's happy and has his dreams come true and to see dad alive and sane after hunts."

Caleb just stood there starring at the young man before him. The young Dean Winchester he had known for years as an obedient little kid had grown into an incredible young man. The heart on Dean was immeasurable and he prayed that John knew what an amazing son he had.

Dean was getting a little uncomfortable with the silence and Caleb's starring so he decided to put a stop to it.

"Caleb I should get going, I have to go pick up some stuff for our next hunt, I'll see you around"

"Take care of yourself Dean"

Dean nodded and left the room. Caleb could see John standing outside the other door peering in.

"I hope you heard all of that John!"

"I did," John replied as he entered the room.

"Good! Now go talk to him and convince him to do this firefighting thing!"

John just looked at Caleb and dropped his head. "I can't Caleb"

Caleb paused for a moment as the anger began to build up.

"You selfish little prick! What the hell's the matter with you, he's your damn son for crying out loud! Doesn't what he wants even matter to you?"

"Of course it does!" John snapped back. "I just…I don't want him to leave too."

"You don't want him to leave…are you shitting me! You're barely around anyways John…when both your boys were here, you were barely even around so why the hell would it matter if Deans not around for a little, it's not like he's going away!"

"Caleb…I don't expect you to understand…I just need him around okay."

Caleb shook his head in a disappointment at his long time friend.

"John I dun'no what's going on with you man…I do know though that I've never known such a loyal, self sacrificing and loving person like Dean…I just pray that you and Sammy don't take advantage of that and realize what Dean does for the two of you, what he does to keep your family together. I just hope you realize it before it's too late…before something unfortunate happens and god forbid, he's gone"

"He would never leave Caleb, you said it yourself he's loyal…he'd never walk out on his family"

"…I wasn't talking about walking out John"

**SNSNSNSN**

Sam looked at his father through his tear filled eyes to see a site that was rarely ever seen. John had a tear streaming down his face as he revealed the conversation to Sam.

Caleb's words were embedded in Sam's mind "_I just hope you realize it before it's too late…before something unfortunate happens and god forbid, he's gone."_ Sam tried to hold back his tears but it was too hard, he held his brother's hand as the tears began to stream out.

And that's when it hit him…he remembered all the horrible things he had said to Dean when Dean had come to Stanford to get him…all the horrible things he wished he could take back…

_"Dean don't drag me back into that life…I've made a good life here…a life without hunting, without fear and sadness, I life without loneliness" _

_"Look Sammy I really think imma need back up on this one…I just have a feeling" _

_"Dean…no! This little hunt can go on forever…a weekend of my help won't do you any good" _

The biggest thing that stood out in his mind from his conversation with Dean at Stanford was the last thing Sam had said to him before he took off.

"_You said you wanted to be a fireman before I went to school…but you never even tried to do it, you never tried to follow your dreams…all cuz u wanted to be a good lil boy in dad's eyes! Just because you didn't have the guts to follow your dreams doesn't give you permission to ruin mine!"_

Sam hadn't understood the pain on his brother's face after he uttered those words, but he understood now…he understood clearly. Dean had sacrificed his dream so that Sam could have his…and Sam had used it against Dean to get back at him. What the hell had he done.

"You okay kiddo?" John asked

Sam had completely forgotten his dad was still in the room with him, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, in reliving that night Dean came to get him that he forgot his own father was sitting in front of him.

"You just looked like you were miles away"

I…I just need him to wake up…I need to tell him I'm sorry…tell him how much I love him…I need to..." before Sam could finish, a loud monotone sound echoed in his ears. He had heard this sound before on T.V. shows and movies when people...

Sam and John's eyes darted up to the machine Dean was hooked on, and they watched with horrified eyes as the vertical peaked lines detecting Dean's beating heart, the lines which were evidence of Dean being alive…went flat…

**TBC- Next chapter will be up tomorrow**


	4. Chapter 4

"_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppp"_

"DEAN! DEAN!" Sam could hear himself screaming his brother's name as he felt several arms rap around his.

"Son you and your father have to leave"

"DEAN!" Sam was frantic…what the hell had happened, one minute he was talking to his brother and the next…

"Doc…my son" John was barely holding it together himself.

"Mr. Johnson if you want your son to live we need you two to leave…now!"

At that John grabbed a hold of Sam and had to practically drag him out of the room.

"DAD NO! DEAN…HE…"

"Sammy look at me! W-we have to let the doctors work to save your brother, we'll only be crowding the room if we're in there."

Sam looked at his father with tears pouring out of his eyes and realized that his father was right. Sam turned around and clung to the doorway as both, him and John, watched in horror as the doctors tried to get Dean's heart beating again.

The shock sent through Dean's body every time the defibrillator connected with his brother's chest, made Sam flinch as Dean's body was lifted off the bed with such force.

"Dean don't do this…fight please…Dean please…don't leave me alone…"

John felt his heart break as he heard Sam whisper those words to Dean. John found himself praying for the first time in a long, long time.

"Please God, or whoever is up there, don't let my son die…please…we need him…I need him" John prayed silently. "Take me…spare him and take me, please…I don't wan'na live if you take Dean from me."

All John could think about was all the things he wished he had said to Dean; how proud he was of Dean, how much he loved him, how him and Sam were the most important people in his life, and most of all, how sorry he was that somewhere along the line, he was so consumed with grief over Mary's death and the need for revenge, that he stopped being their father.

John's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of quiet sobs coming from his youngest. Sam was fading…as he watched Dean die he was fading with him. John knew that if Dean didn't make it through this, he would not only lose Dean, but Sam as well.

Sam didn't realize how hard he was holding onto the door until a throbbing pain shot through his hand, but Sam ignored it, the pain in his hand was nothing compared to the pain in his heart as he watched the doctors try to revive Dean. What had been only 15 seconds had felt like hours as he watched his brother's lifeless body jerk up and down from the impact of the shock.

As Sam watched Dean, all these memories from when they were kids up until he left for Stanford began to resurface.

**SNSNSNS**

"Dean…" the frightened voice of four year old Sammy spoke.

"Yeah Sammy?" Dean asked still lying on his bed.

"Dean em scared, I sink there's sumfin in the closet."

"Sammy there's nothing in the closet…I checked before I tucked you in remember."

"Yeah…." Sam was sitting upright on his bed now with his legs crossed and the cover pulled up to his eyes.

Dean looked over at Sam, and realizing how frightened he was, Dean scooted over and opened the covers to let Sam in.

"You can sleep here Sammy."

"But daddy said I had to seep in my own bed now cuz' I have to be brave."

Dean could see the tears in Sam's eyes and hear the fear in his voice.

"I won't tell if you won't," Dean replied with a smile. "And besides you are brave, and I'd feel safer if my brave little brother was sleeping beside me."

At that Sam ran over and jumped onto the bed beside Dean. As Dean leaned over Sammy to cover him with the blanket, Sam grabbed Dean into a tight hug.

"Tanks Dean, you're the best brother ever."

"Right back at you kiddo."

And with that, Sam put his head on his big brothers shoulders and went to sleep.

**SNSNSN**

"Dean I'm gon'na fall." Five year old Sammy cried out.

"Sammy you're not gon'na fall, I won't let go till you tell me to…now peddle"

"But Dean, I'm scared…I'm gon'na fall off the bike and get hurt bad"

"Sammy, I'd never let you get hurt bad."

"Promise?"

"I promise kiddo," Dean reassured with a smile.

"Kay"

"DEAN! I'm riding a bike, I'm riding a bike"

"You ready for me to let go now?"

"Uh…"

"You can do it Sammy, I know you can"

"Okay Dean, you can let go"

And with that Dean let go of the back seat and watched proudly as his brother rode around the motel parking lot and back.

"DEAN I DID IT…I DID IT…I RODE A BIKE ALL BY MYSELF!" Sam explained ecstatically.

Dean couldn't help but smile at the excitement in his brother's voice.

"I knew you could…I'm proud of you Sammy"

"Dean you're the best teacher ever!" Sam yelled as he rapped his tiny arms around Dean's waist and wouldn't let go.

**SNSNSN**

"Dean can I go play outside?" asked 7 year old Sam.

"Not now Sammy, it's getting dark out."

"No it's not, not that dark out Dean."

"Sammy I said no."

"Why not Dean!"

"Cuz' I have to watch you when you're playing outside and "Godzilla vs. Mothman" is starting, and I've never seen this one."

Sam sunk his head down in defeat and went and sat on the couch. Dean looked over as tears were welling up in Sam's eyes. Dean hated it when his brother was sad, and it broke his heart when his brother would cry. After a few seconds Dean finally broke.

"Sammy go get your shoes and jacket on."

Sam's eyes shot up immediately at his brother.

"Why?"

"Well you can't go outside without shoes and a jacket." Dean said with a smile.

A smile so big that it seemed to cover the length of Sam's face appeared on the 7 year old. He jumped off the couch and within 10 seconds Sam was all ready to go.

**SNSNSN**

"Give me your lunch punk!" Yelled the two 10th graders at 5th grade Sammy.

"No…I-it's myne."

"What did you say kid! I know you didn't just say no"

"Y-yeah I-I did," replied Sammy trying to be as brave as possible.

Sam saw the two older boys lift their fists up and he immediately closed his eyes, expecting a punch to the face in a matter of seconds.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Came a third voice from behind Sam. Sam opened his eyes and smiled as he recognized that strong voice.

Sam spun around to find his brother right behind him. Dean moved Sam behind him and walked towards the two 10th graders.

"Oh yeah! Why wouldn't we wan'na pumble this kid for his lunch," yelled one of the 10th graders.

"Because…you touch my little brother, and you won't be able to eat the food you stole from him, hell, you won't be able to eat for awhile." Dean threatened as he gazed at the two boys in front of him. Although Dean was much smaller and younger than the two 10th graders, he wasn't about to back down, not when his little brother's safety was at stake.

"And what the hell you gon'na do kid, there's two of us and one of you."

"Never been a problem before," Dean replied with a cocky grin.

The next couple of minutes had been a haze of events for Dean, but Sam remembered everything. Dean had been knocked out pretty badly but in the end it was the two grade 10 boys who were on the floor with bloody noses.

As Sam and Dean walked home, Sam could see the bruising that was getting darker on Dean's face.

"Dean…are you okay?"

"I'm good Sammy," Dean replied as he smiled at his younger brother.

"I'm sorry Dean."

"For what?"

"For that," Sam said pointing at Dean's face."

"Not your fault Sammy, no one picks on my kid brother and gets away with it...except me," Dean laughed as he put Sam into a headlock.

"Thanks Dean," Sam replied with admiration for his brother laced across his face.

"Anytime kiddo."

**SNSNSN**

Sam wanted so badly to be a part of the "cool kids" in grade 7, wanted it so badly that he even stole the principle's watch from her desk as a sort of "initiation" into the cool group. Sam knew it was wrong and he regretted it the minute he did it, but it was too late now, he had been caught by the principle. As Sam was getting his stuff from his locker, the watch fell out, just as the principle was walking by. The principle immediately saw it, and Sam was taken to the principles office. He was going to be suspended, and they called Dean down to get him, since there dad was on a "business trip" and wouldn't be back till later that night. Before the principle could even hear Sam out Dean ran into the office and asked if he could speak to his brother. The principle said that she would give them 5 minutes and then she had to talk to Sam about what he did and his punishment.

"Sammy why the hell did you steal the watch," Dean asked when the principle left.

"I-I wanted to be part of the cool kids…they said if I stole the watch I could start hanging out with them." Sam said with tears welling in his eyes.

"God, Sammy, the things you little kids do."

"Dean…I-I'm sorry, I know it was wrong, I-I don't wan'na get suspended or kicked out of school Dean," Sam said with a tear streaming down his face.

Dean looked at his little brother and protective brother mode kicked in as he instantly knew what had to be done.

Later that night John read the letter than the principle had sent with Sam and Dean to take to their father.

"Dean, what the hell! You stole the principle's watch!"

"Yeah…"

"WHY! I thought you knew better than to take something that's not yours. You're 16 for crying out loud!"

"Look the principle just kinda pissed me off and I just wanted to scare her into thinking that she had lost her watch, and I was gon'na put it back tomorrow, so I took her watch and put it in Sammy's bag cuz' I thought should wouldn't find it there."

"Dean…"Sam started looking at his brother.

"Yeah Sammy I know I was wrong and I'm sorry for putting the watch in your bag." He said as he gave Sam a "shut up and let me handle this" look.

"I'm disappointed in you Dean…I can't believe you would steal something," replied John.

"I'm sorry dad, it won't happen again, I promise."

Dean hated hearing his Dad saying that he was disappointed in him but he would hate it more if his dad had said it to Sammy. Sam was a good kid, he just made a mistake and Dean knew that Sam had learnt his lesson, he didn't deserve to be suspended for it or yelled at by John for it.

"I expect you to write an apology letter to your principle, and don't you ever pull something like this again!" John yelled.

"I won't dad."

With that John went into the kitchen.

Sam could see the hurt in Dean's eyes as his dad was yelling at him.

"Dean…"

"It's okay Sammy," Dean reassured with a smile.

"Dean…why did you do that for me...you always get in trouble because of me," Sam replied sadly.

"Look, you made a mistake, and I know you regret it, there's no point in you getting in trouble for something you won't ever do again. I get it's hard to fit in at school cuz' you're so much smarter than the other kids, and you were just trying to fit in, you're not a bad kid Sam, you don't need this going on your record."

"What about you Dean? What about your record?"

Dean let out a laugh. "Don't worry bout that Sammy, and besides you're the one who likes school, so it's better if you have the good record."

Dean really didn't mind school but it always played it off like he didn't like it at all. It just made it easier to explain to Sam that he didn't mind getting expelled or suspended when it came to defending Sam or having his back. As far as Dean was concerned, as long as Sam wasn't hurt emotionally or physically, Dean would be fine.

"Dean…thanks," Sam said as he walked over and hugged his brother.

"Dude, what have I told you 'bout this chick flicky hugging stuff."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at that as he pulled out of the hug. The brothers smiled at each other as Sam turned around and started to walked towards his room.

"Sammy…"

"Yeah Dean?"

"You don't need to thank me, you're my kid brother, I'll always have your back," Dean replied with a sincere smile.

"I know you will…you're the best big brother any kid could ask for."

"Damn straight," Dean replied with a smug grin.

**SNSNSN**

"Sammy get down!" Dean yelled as the Wendigo made it's way towards Sam.

Dean fired and hit the Wendigo right in the back. The Wendigo snapped his head around and was now facing Dean.

"Don't touch my little brother you fugly son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, tempting the Wendigo to come after him.

Before he knew it, Dean was thrown into the tree, his back making contact with the bark.

"DEAN!" Sam yelled as he tried to make his way over to his brother.

The Wendigo turned it's head towards Sam, but Dean would be damned if he let it touch his brother.

"What are you looking at, I'm right here!" Dean yelled weakly, turning the Wendigo's attention to him yet again.

"Sammy get out of here!"

"Dean no…not without you!"

"Sammy now!"

"No way Dean!" There was no way Sam would leave Dean's side, no way he would let his brother die to save him. He knew that's exactly what Dean would do and the thought just sent chills down Sam's spine. Right then a thought occurred to Sam. If they used a flare gun on the Wendigo, it would burn it from the inside out.

Sam rushed over the back pack they had brought and grabbed the flare gun. He aimed at the Wendigo right as it was about to chow down on Dean. The Wendigo began to shriek as the flare lit it up from the inside. And just like that the Wendigo was destroyed. Sam ran over to Dean to make sure that he was okay.

"Dean…"

"I'm fine Sam," Dean interrupted.

"Here let me help you up."

"Dude, I got it!" Dean barked as he held onto the tree to help himself up.

"What the hell Dean, why you so angry."

"I told you to go Sammy."

"Dean it would've killed you if I had left."

There was silence for a minute.

"At least you would've been safe…"Dean whispered.

"Dean…"

"Let's just get back to the motel okay."

Dean had given Sam the keys to drive them back, because although he didn't admit it, the pain in his back was intense.

"Sammy…I'm sorry I snapped at you back there." Dean said looking over at his brother.

"It's okay Dean," Sam replied with a smile.

"I just…I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I…if I lost you Sammy." Dean said staring at the floor of his Impala.

"And you think I'd be able to live with myself if I lost you?" Sam asked. "Dean we're a team dude, we work together."

"Yeah, but you're my kid brother, it's my responsibility to keep you safe."

"No Dean…it's our responsibility to keep each other safe." Sam replied as he laid one arm on his brother's shoulder.

"Thanks Sam…

**SNSNSN**

When Sam snapped back to reality that last memory clung to Sam. _"Keep each other safe." _Dean never once faltered on that statement, he had always made it his priority to keep Sam safe, but Sam had left Dean, left him to go to Stanford...he hadn't kept his brother safe, he hadn't watched his brother's back. All those memories (aside from the guilt from the last one) flooding back to him made him feel warm...and happy. All the good memories Sam had of his life...the ones where he was truely happy, were centered around his brother, around the two of them, together. He couldn't lose Dean, he wouldn't survive it. Sam realized at that moment that he was staring at the ground with tears streaming down his face…he was sure by now they would've had to have revived his brother…they just had to have. As Sam looked up, hoping to see his brother stabilized…that's when he heard it.

The words sucked all the air out of his lungs and made him drop to his knees, he didn't even want to try and breathe as his world crashed around him.

"Time of death…4:02pm."

**TBC- Next chapter will be up tomorrow… I'll leave you guys with this little quote, interpret it whichever way you'd like. "Sometimes the dead can be revived…but most times they can't."**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Guys! I know I promised to post a chapter a day and I'm so sorry I didn't get this out yesterday, some family stuff came up so I wasn't home all day, hence no new chapter. So here's the next chapter in my story, it's pretty short compared to the others. I'll be posting the final chapter hopefully today around like 7pm, but I may not be able to until tomorrow.**

**SNSNSNSN**

Time seemed to have stopped as Sam was kneeled on the ground unable to breathe; it was as if when his brother stopped breathing, so did he. They were one, they always had been, and there was no Sam without Dean and no Dean without Sam.

Just as that thought ran through his mind Sam stood up. He wasn't going to give up, not yet, the doctors hadn't seen what they had seen, hadn't lived through what they had lived through, and he'd be damned if he let a bunch of doctors tell him that his brother was no longer alive.

This entire revelation happened in a matter of 10 seconds and just as fast as Sam had hit the ground, he jumped right back up, an odd sense of adrenaline pumping into him, and he ran over to where his, apparently dead brother, laid.

Everyone stood shocked at the sight before them. Sam was pounding on Dean's chest, literally pounding on it with his fists, as hard as he could.

"Sammy…wh-what are you doing." John's voice was one of a broken man.

"He's not dead! He can't be!"

"Sammy…stop son…please"

But John's pleas fell on deaf ears as Sam continued to pound on Dean's chest with everything he had.

"DEAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME…DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!"

The doctors were speechless as they watched the young man before them, breathlessly trying to revive his dead big brother.

"Son, we tried everything we could, he's gone," said one of the doctors as he reached for Sam's hands to move them away from Dean's now beaten chest.

"SHUTUP…ALL OF YOU JUST SHUTUP, HE'S NOT DEAD!" Sam yelled as he swatted the doctor's hand away.

"Dean please…please…I can't lose you Dean…don't do this…don't do this..."

The tears were streaming down his face uncontrollably and as the seconds past Sam was starting to fear the worst, were the doctors right? Was his big brother gone? Was his hero dead?

_This can't be happening, no this can't be happening. Dean can't be taken away from me, it isn't right. _Sam thought to himself. _Dean please…please, I'll die Dean, if you die, I'll die…Dean I swear to God I'll die. Dean why aren't you breathing, why isn't your damn heart beating…beat damnit…beat…please…beat. _

Sam could feel his arms getting tired, he could feel the energy draining, his body seemed to be getting weak, shutting down almost, even though he continued to pound on Dean's chest. _I think I'm dieing Dean…along with you, Dean if you don't wake up, I'm dieing with you…I promise. _

As another doctor tried to intervene in what looked like Sam's assault on Dean's chest, John put his arm out to stop him. He could see that Sam was trying to connect with Dean, even if Dean was dead, Sam was trying to connect with him, talk to him, will him to…come back from the dead.

"Don't…he needs this…he needs to try…even if it is hopeless." John said as his heart felt like it was in a million pieces. He had just lost his eldest son and as he watched Sam he had this fear…this immense fear, that Sam was about to be lost to him too.

_How had it come to this _John wondered to himself. He had lost his eldest son, his Dean, and he had to stand by and watch as Sam was slowly dieing in front of him as he tried to save his brother. His sons didn't deserve this; they had done anything to deserve this. They were good people, amazing people, they saved lives everyday, and now they were about to lose theirs, it wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair.

At this point Sam was wondering if he was accepting his brother's death, and if that was the case, he knew what was next.

_Dean you're not waking up…you're not breathing, I guess I'm coming with you Dean. Do you think we'll see mom Dean…wherever we're going, do you think mom's waiting for us? I hope she is Dean, I really hope she is. We can be a family again, me, you and mom. And maybe Dad will join us one day soon, after he's done hunting every evil son of a bitch there is. Then the four of us will be a family again. Maybe that's asking too much…do you think that's asking too much Dean? As long as we can be brothers in the afterlife, I'll be happy, it's always been us huh Dean. We were our family, we lost dad when we lost mom, and all we had was each other. This has got to be the oddest conversation I've ever had, but when has our lives ever been normal huh Dean. I know you can hear me dude, and it's okay Dean, if you're too tired to wake up it's okay, but I'm coming with you, someone's gotta watch your back, even in heaven…if we're going to heaven. Wherever we go, as long as we're together it'll be okay, it's always been okay when we were together. I love you big brother, you lead the way now, wherever you go I'll follow. _

"I've never seen someone try so hard to save someone who's already…" the doctor's sentence was interrupted by a sound everyone in the room thought were their ears playing tricks.

_Beep…beep….beep_

_**SNSNSNS**_

_**TBC- last chapter coming soon**_


	6. Chapter 6

It couldn't be…it just couldn't be.

Everyone's eyes immediately darted to the heart monitor…and the sight before left them speechless and stunned.

The vertical lines detecting Dean's heart beat were back.

"Holy shit!" replied two of the doctors in unison as all four doctors in the room immediately ran over to Dean.

"What the hell," was all John could muster up as his eyes darted to his elder son and then to his youngest.

"Sammy…"

"He's a…he's alive." Sam replied just as shocked as everyone else. "HE'S ALIVE DAD!" Sam was smiling so hard John could have sworn the kid's face was going to get plastered that way.

"Holy shit Sammy…how did you…" and he turned to look at the doctors, "How the hell did he…"

"The force Sam was applying to Dean's chest…it was enough to get it beating again." And the doctor turned to look at Sam. "Kid, you just saved your brother's life."

Sam was speechless but the smile on his face and the new light in his eyes said it all.

"Is he…so he's going to be okay?" John asked still shocked and amazed at the events that unfolded in front of him just seconds ago.

"He's still in a coma…but he's alive. He'll have some bruising on his chest and we have to do a scan to see if he broke any ribs but the rest we'll have to see when he wakes."

The doctor turned to look at Sam. "This may be the understatement of the century, but he's lucky to have a brother like you…he'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you."

"Doc, what about the bruising and broken ribs." Sam was still worried

"Even if he does have broken ribs and bruising…it's a small price to pay for being alive."

And that was something Sam could definitely agree with.

Within the next hour or so they had taken the x-rays on Dean's chest, with Sam right there beside him of course, and there were no broken ribs. Sam was relieved, the last thing his brother needed was more pain.

As Sam , Dean and John settled back into Dean's room, the day's events were starting to take its toll on the youngest hunter.

"Sammy why don't you get some rest son, you look exhausted."

"No, I'm fine dad, I just wanna stay with Dean."

John knew there was no point in arguing, if there's one thing he knew for sure, trying to pry one of his sons from the other when either was hurt, was next to impossible.

"Sammy…what you did today…you saved Dean's life."

"He would've done the same for me," Sam replied as he sat beside Dean's bed holding his hand.

"I know…" John replied as he starred at his children with pride. The relationship Sam and Dean had was one of a kind, that, John was certain of. He had never known a connection between two individuals that was even half as amazing and deep as the one between his two sons, and to be completely honest, he felt a little left out.

There was also that other question gnawing at his brain….why hadn't he tried to save Dean when the doctors said he was dead, why wasn't he the one to go over and pound on Dean's chest? It was as if he had just accepted Dean's death without a fight. After Mary's death he stopped believing in miracles and second chances…maybe that's why he had accepted Dean's death. But he tried to ignore the shame and guilt he had about this because he knew Sam didn't need to hear it, not now, not ever.

As John watched Sam talking to Dean, willing him to wake up, he almost felt like an outsider…an intruder. That was his own fault, he knew that for a fact. John wasn't really around when Sam and Dean were growing up, well, he was…but he wasn't. Even when he was around he wasn't always mentally there. His children had grown up practically without a parent, taking care of each other, and mostly Dean taking care of them both.

To say John was proud of his children would be an understatement. He had an enormous sense of respect for them, for what they had been through and survived, and what they continue to go through and survive. John knew that no matter what happened to him, as long as Sam and Dean were alive and together, they would be okay, and they would be whole.

The only thing left now was for Dean to wake up.

**SNSNSN**

It had been two days since Sam's miraculous life saving shenanigans and he really needed his brother to wake up.

"Dean…if you can hear me…please…I need you to wake up," Sam said as he sat by his brother. "Besides man, you've had way more than your fair share of beauty sleep." Sam chuckled to himself. He was still worried but his mood had lightened up a little since the events that unfolded before him just days ago.

Sam placed a hand on his brother's hand and once again fell asleep. Each night before Sam slept he made sure that he was holding his brother's hand. He didn't know whether he was doing it for himself, because he needed to feel that connection to his brother, or because he was, in his own way, willing Dean to wake up. He figured it was probably a bit of both.

**3 Hours Later**

"S-ammy…" came a soft voice Sam barely recognized. "Sammy…" There it was again, but this time it sounded an awful lot like…

_Dean…am I dreaming_, Sam thought to him self.

"Sammy…"

This time Sam actually opened his eyes and the sight before him brought tears to his eyes.

"DEAN…oh god, you're awake."

Dean let out a weak but still "Dean like" sincere smile.

"I thought I was the one who had enough beauty sleep kiddo," Dean replied.

Sam raised his eyebrow, "Wait…you heard that?"

"I hear everything little brother," Dean replied with a sheepish grin.

Sam practically jumped out of his seat and hugged Dean.

"You have no idea how good it is to have you back Dean." _No idea_

"Easy there kiddo," came a voice from the doorway. "You don't wan'na suffocate your brother when he just woke up."

By the time Sam looked up, his father was right by Dean's bed.

"How you feelin' kiddo."

"Just peachy, dad," Dean replied weakly

At that, both Sam and John laughed, you knew Dean was back when sarcasm ruled conversations with him.

The doctor was the next person in the room.

"Welcome back to the land of the conscious," replied the doctor.

"Good to be back," Dean replied. "As long as you don't make me eat any of that hospital food…cuz' I might just choose to go back into a coma." Dean chuckled to himself.

"That's not funny Dean," Sam replied with a stern face.

"Too early for the jokes…gotcha," Dean replied out loud.

The doctor checked Dean's vitals and said that everything was looking good. The doctor then left the room to give John and Sam some time with Dean.

John could see that Sam and Dean needed to talk so he too left the room to go see how quickly Dean could get checked out.

Sam took a seat beside Dean's bed again, and Dean could see that Sam was thinking, which was never a good sign.

"What's going on in that freaky head of yours Sam."

Sam didn't say anything for a few seconds, and then decided to speak.

"You scared us Dean…scared me."

_"O great, time for a touchy feely HUGE chick flick moment," Dean thought to himself. __But he figured he could give Sam at least that, I mean he did put the kid through hell._

" I know I did Sammy, but you got'ta understand dude, it comes with the territory."

"It didn't have to this time," Sam said as he continued to stare a hole into the ground.

"What?"

"I could've stopped it…I could've prevented all this."

Dean could see the guilt eating away at Sam, and as much as he was pissed at his brother when he didn't come with him back in Palo Alto, Dean would be lying if he said he could bear to see his brother in any sort of pain, even the pain that comes from guilt.

"No Sammy, you couldn't of."

"If I had come with you…if I wasn't such an ass back in Palo Alto, I could've stopped this…I coulda stopped that sonuvabitch from hurting you."

"Sam…"

"No Dean, don't…don't excuse me outta this one. I almost lost you Dean, all cuz I was too damn stubborn and mad at dad to come back you up. I should've had your back…you almost died…"

"Yeah, but I didn't Sammy."

"No thanks to me," Sam replied hanging his head in shame yet again. "Dean…I'm sorry."

"Sammy you don't haveta be sorry dude."

"Yeah I do Dean…Dean those things I said to you back in Palo Alto, I didn't mean them, well not all of them, and I never meant to hurt you by saying them. I was just angry with dad, not you, and it wasn't fair for me to take it out on you."

It was Dean's turn to look at the ground now.

"Don't worry bout it Sam."

Sam could see the hurt flash in Dean's eyes as he was sure that his big brother was remembering all the horrible things Sam had said to him. The fact that Dean had said "Sam" instead of Sammy just made Sam realize even more how much he had hurt Dean.

"Dean I really am sorry…"

"I know Sammy, it's okay."

Sam smiled, the "Sammy" was back, but the guilt was anything but gone.

"Dean…"

"Yeah."

"How come you never told me about the whole firefighting gig u gave up?" Sam questioned preparing himself for Dean's reaction to him knowing.

"Come again?" Dean's eyes were growing wide, "_What the hell, Sam can't know, how does he know?"_

"I know the truth Dean, I know you gave up firefighting so I could go to school."

"Sonuvabitch! Who the hell told you that!"

"…Dad."

"Well that's just freakin wonderful!" Dean yelled as he looked away.

"Dean don't be mad, I kinda pushed it outta him."

At that Dean looked at Sammy and after a few seconds let out a smirk.

"Why am I not surprised," Dean replied with a chuckle. Sam returned the grin but then turned serious.

"Dean why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked watching Dean intently.

"There was nothing to tell Sammy." He really didn't want to talk about this with Sam, but he had a feeling his brother wasn't going to let it go until they did.

"Like hell! You could've told me you got in!"

"Yeah…and what good would that've done huh? If I told you, you'd jus' try and talk me into leaving with you, and there was no way we could both leave dad and there was no way I'd have let you stay back and not go to Stanford."

"We could've figured something out," Sam replied unconvincingly.

"You know that's bull Sammy, there was nothing to figure out, either I do the firefighting thing and you stay home, or you go to Stanford and I stay home, there was no other option, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna send you off to Stanford feeling guilty, so I kept my mouth shut."

"Dean…"

"Look Sammy, I knew you wanted to get away from this life, away from us, you wanted a new life…I get that, I mean I didn't like it but I got it, and I wanted you to enjoy it, not feel guilty about it."

Sam was taken aback by what he had just heard. "_Dean thinks I wanted to get away from him?"_

"Dean I never wanted to get away from you…how could you even think that?"

"Well you left didn't you?" was the simple, yet heart wrenching answer. It came out barely a whisper but Sam heard it nonetheless.

"Cuz' I was mad at dad and I wanted to get away from his obsession…never from you."

"Sammy, I was the one who raised you, dad was barely around when we were growing up, so when you left it wasn't you leaving dad, when you left…you left me behind, and you never looked back," Dean replied knowing full well how sappy he sounded, but he could care less right now, he was hurting and if Sam was so hell bent on talking, well then Dean was going to say it how it is. At the most, if Sam was to ever bring up this conversation again, he figured he could blame it on temporary insanity from being in a hospital for too long.

"Dean…no it wasn't like that," Sam replied as he sensed the tears threatening to fall.

"Sammy you never even called man. I called you so many times, and not once did you call back. You shut me out of your life completely," Dean replied. "Look Sammy, I'm not mad that you did it, I'm proud of you for everything you've accomplished, I'm proud that you went to school…more proud than you'll ever know."

"Dean…I'm so sorry, but I swear to you, I didn't wan'na leave you behind, and don't you dare think that for a second. I'm sorry I didn't stop to think what it would to you, I was just so angry with dad and I had to get out of the house, see what else was out there. But Dean, a day didn't go by that I didn't miss you. To tell you the truth, it took everything in me to actually get on that bus and leave you, I almost didn't you know, so many times I thought of telling the bus driver to drive back 'cuz I couldn't imagine living a life without you. During the bus ride I even walked up to the bus driver cuz I was ready to tell him to turn around, until he gave me a cold look and told me I shouldn't be standing while the bus is moving."

Dean looked up at Sam.

"Got yelled at by a bus driver…smooth geekboy," Dean replied with a smirk.

At that, both he and Sam laughed, but Sam continued.

"I felt like half of me was missing since the day I left, ever since I've been at Stanford I've felt that way, the only time it went away was when you came to get me in Palo Alto," Sam continued fully intending on letting Dean know everything and know just how much he meant to him. "And about the phone calls…you don't know how badly I wanted to call you, but I knew that if I heard your voice or spoke to you, I'd leave Stanford and come back…and I couldn't do that."

Sam had Dean's full attention. This was the most serious conversation the boys had had in years, but it was one they definitely needed to have.

"Dean, you're not just my big brother, you're my best friend, and nothing and no one will ever change that, no matter where I am. Ask Jess man, half the time all I do is talk about you."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Dean replied with a cocky grin. As girly as this conversation was, Dean wouldn't have had it any other way. Hearing his brother say those things, say how important he is to him, Dean may not admit it to Sam, but he needed to hear that stuff, he needed to hear that he was still important in his little brother's life.

Sam laughed at Dean's cocky remark, and he was just as glad as Dean to be having this conversation.

"Dean, you'll always be the most important person in my life, and if it came down to it and I had to choose between you and Stanford and everything that goes along with Stanford, I wouldn't haveta think twice…you come before everything…and everyone," Sam replied as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"O god, we're not gonna haveta hug or anything are we," Dean whined at Sam.

Sam let out a laugh.

"Not unless you want to," Sam joked, knowing very well that even if his brother did want a hug, he'd never admit it. Both boys then fell silent.

"Sammy…"

"Yeah Dean?"

"…thanks…for you know…what you said."

"I meant every word Dean," Sam said as he smiled and this time actually leaned over to hug his brother. Dean hugged him back without hesitation; both boys needed this more than they would admit.

Just then John and the doc entered the room.

"How you feeling Dean?" asked the doc.

"More awake, don't think I'll be running a marathon anytime soon though," joked Dean.

The doc let out a laugh.

"Well you're lucky you even have the chance to consider a marathon, you have your brother to thank for that," replied the doc as he turned to look at Sam.

"I do?" asked Dean.

"You were dead Dean, we had called your death, but your brother here, he's persistent, never gave up on you, you feel that bruising on your chest?"

"Do I ever!" replied Dean subconsciously moving one of his hands to his chest.

"That was Sammy over there, he started pounding on your chest to get your heart beating, we all thought he was crazy, but he pretty much told us to go to hell."

_ "That's my boy," Dean thought to himself. _

"He got your heart pumping. To tell you boys the truth I've never seen such devotion by anyone. You're lucky to have each other, you share something really special…don't ever lose that," Doc replied as he smiled at the boys, and then left the room.

Dean looked over at Sam as they both smiled at each other. If Sam's words earlier weren't convincing enough, what the doc just said sure was. Dean realized how important he still was to Sam, and that meant more to him than life itself. And as they looked at each other, no words were necessary.

_ "Thanks for not giving up on me little brother." _

_"I'll always fight for you Dean."_

"Dean, doc said you can be out'ta here in a couple of days," John said with a smile on his face.

"Couple days…If I had it my way I'd be out'ta here today," Dean mumbled to himself, thinking that no one heard, but of course he was wrong.

"Not gon'na happen big brother, you're gettin' the 100 clear before we leave this place," Sam replied.

"Sure thing Francis," Dean laughed looking at Sam.

"Jerk"

"Bitch"

**THE END- Well this is it, thanks for sticking with me guys, hope you enjoyed the story!!!!**


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